Balancing Act!

During my time in the NFL I have had five different head coaches and they all had their own thing they loved to focus on every year. It was part of their DNA and helped to create the foundation of their team. One coach in particular would put up a chart every year during OTAs to help define people’s roles and expectations on the team. The chart would feature categories such as Pro Bowler, Potential Pro Bowler, and Starter. It would also define the differences between a good, a great and a hall of fame caliber player.  Usually the coach would walk us through his interpretation and provide examples, but one year he decided to bring in a player as a guest speaker.  He won multiple Super Bowl championships, is a Hall of Famer, and I greatly respected and admired him.

I still remember his message today because it was so over the top.  And now that I am injured I have a better understanding of why 80% of NFL players are broke, divorced, and/or depressed once they leave the game.  His message was simple: football is everything and anything that interrupts that laser focus is a distraction, including community service, family emergencies or anything else that does not involve football. Now as a player, I understand the dedication, focus and perseverance it takes to play this game at a high level, but I felt this was a little extreme for my taste. But, I am not a Hall of Famer nor am I a Super Bowl champ. However, I do believe there is a delicate balance that can make it possible to achieve it all. The reality is, no matter how focused you are, the average career is only 3.5 years and at 25, or even if you are blessed like me to play until you're 30, there are still many productive years left to live. And once the game leaves you behind, what does your marriage, your relationship with your children or your ability to still earn a living look like?


Even though I do not believe this injury has ended my career, this time is invaluable for the rest of my

life.  It gives me a chance to really think about where the next chapter of my life should be heading.  Close family and friends always used to advise me about my future saying, “Faith, family and football” and “Do not put all your eggs in one basket.”  But I never thought making life decisions would be so hard, especially since I am a CAL guy (LOL).  I have all these great ideas but without the structure, deadlines or accountability that football provides, procrastination sets in and execution becomes almost impossible. The key, once the initial shock of not being able to play football passes, is identifying your resources and putting a plan in place that will allow you to execute at a high level. I have been able to lean on relationships I have built throughout the years, whether with teammates or other individuals I have met on the way, and learn from their experiences and expertise.

Also, I examined my strengths and weaknesses, and being honest with myself has helped me narrow my focus. Often our passion lies and sometimes we know exactly who we are.  Understanding one’s self is a critical piece in connecting with the right people, occupation and ultimately minimizing wasted time.  Lastly, the most important piece is realizing my limitation as a man and understanding that some things only God can control.  As a professional athlete, I have allowed my confidence and pride, things I need in the NFL, to override my faith as Christian. So I have to constantly remind myself of Romans 11:33-36:
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! We have a misconception of who we are and were. Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen." 
Even though I build relationships, gather knowledge and serve without God's power and intervening, I am operating on fumes.

Strawberry Milkshake

Deciding on Dr. Robert Anderson to do my surgery was a "no brainer", he is considered to be the Dr. James Andrews of foot and ankle, or at least that is how I like to describe him. But with any surgery there comes some type of uncertainty about complications and my ability to return to a level of play I have become accustomed to over the years. Will I have the same type of power, explosion, speed and strength??  Even though theses issues were a concern to my future, my immediate fear was my biggest problem, Death!

As an athlete I have fallen under that illusion that I am

Right before Surgery in Charlotte NC

invincible and have secretly thought certain things just do not apply to my life. And maybe that is why I have never second guessed blowing up a 700 pound wedge or laying big hits on Special Teams.  But the idea of dying is a sobering thought to my humanity and the limits of my body. Luckily, I have been blessed to have great ownership throughout my career in times of turbulence.  Mr. Bidwill and the Cardinals organization arranged for my wife to come out and support me leading up to the surgery and during that week of recovery. I am the type of guy to not ask for help so I am not a burden to anyone, even my wife, but I must admit it was nice to be served and supported by her.  Most of the time I take for granted what she able to for me, especially from a spiritual perspective and the calming effect she has on me to face things I am fearful of.

So we finally make it to Dr. Anderson's office for the consultation for the procedure.  Really cool guy and breaks the mold of your the stereotype doctor who talks at you and over your head.  Instead, he explained the process in a way my wife and I could understand which reassured and relaxed me. Finally, it was time to prep for surgery and receive the anesthetic.  Hands down this is the best part of whole ordeal; feeling so good and happy right before you fall asleep...LOL! After waking up from surgery it never fails that I am starving and always have a craving. Of course my wife had gotten the food we talked about earlier but I can never predict what I am going to want.

After surgery with Graham and my milkshake

Strawberry milkshake is the first thing I asked for but it was late and she did not have a car.  Fortunately, I had several friends who play for the Carolina Panthers. First person I called was my boy Graham Gano. I had played with Graham when we both were in Washington. I figured I made enough tackles inside the 20 yard line for him and he owed me one. Of course, he said yes but not because of the tackles. One thing I have come to appreciate in the NFL is the relationship I have built over the years with guys which extends past the locker room.  Men like Kedric Golston & Chris Wilson who my kids call uncle, and London Fletcher who has mentored me and become like an older brother.  Theses are just some of the relationships formed and have become my family and support where ever I am.  And I was glad Graham was one of those guys because that milkshake kicked off a week of comfort food!

Man Down!

It all happened so quickly. One second I'm defending Jimmy Graham and then the next thing I feel is an unusually strong cramping sensation in my right foot. At first I did not think too much of it but as began to hobble back to our sideline, struggling to put any significant body weight onto my foot, as the pain was almost unbearable, the Super Dome went silent and all I could see was Coach Mike Caldwell signaling me to get down.   At that point I surrendered to the painful circumstances, and as I collapsed to the ground a rush of team trainers and doctors made their way onto the field to determine the severity of my injury.

As they removed my shoe and sock to examine my foot they asked all the questions.  Where does it hurt? Does it hurt when I do this? Did you hear a pop? Can you put pressure on it? All I am thinking while answering their questions is that my season is over. Its weird how as an athlete how in-tune you are with your body. Obviously playing football for over 17 years including high school and college I have been hurt before but this time was different. Even though I made a conscious effort to remain hopeful,  I knew something was seriously wrong in my heart. "Do you see this gap here?", the doctor said as he pointed to x-ray comparison of my left and right foot.  I had torn my lisfranc ligament  ending my 2013 season.

 Once I heard the definitive news all types of thoughts flooded my mind ranging in various emotions.  This entire experience felt surreal and I could not grasp the idea of not being able to play ball. How could I allow my teammates to go out to battle without me? How could I let down the Cardinals organization who invested in me? But I quickly arrested these depressing and destructive thoughts and realized this was out of my control. Shifting to a more positive outlook I felt blessed to play football for so long and never suffered an injury that prevented me from competing for more than a week.

The goal now was to take advantage of this time off and spend it in the most productive way possible. Now I had the time and freedom to spend building my relationship with God, enjoy my wife and kids, rehab any lingering injuries and return to my 2012 season form, and work on post NFL career options. But first thing first, I needed to fly out to Charlotte, North Carolina to see Dr. Robert Anderson and have surgery.